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When He Won’t Commit: Walk Away

Not all women, but many women think that if they just continue to show a man how much they love him, or ‘just hang’ in there’ he will eventually make a commitment to them. This is not the case at all. I know this first hand, because I recently had to leave a two-year relationship after realizing that the one man that I truly ever loved, had no intentions on making a commitment to me despite my showing him how much I truly loved him, and being very committed to him.

Once I realized and accepted that he was not going to make a commitment to me: I walked away. Sure, it was a painful decision, but I knew it was a very necessary decision that I had to make before I invested any more time in this dead-end relationship. I cried like a baby the day that I left. His making it painfully clear that he was not going to make a commitment to me was like a slap in the face. Essentially, for him it had became a free ride.

Consequently, I love like many women do: with my heart and not with my head. I ignored warning signs in the early stages of our relationship that came back to haunt me and caused me indescribable pain. One sign that I ignored was the fact that he had several long-term relationships with women that lead to no where.

To illustrate, he dated one woman for seven years. He dated another woman for two years, and still another woman for five years. Do you see the pattern? Well, I ignored this obvious pattern, and I paid for it. Another, major sign that I ignored was his obvious discomfort whenever I would broach the subject of marriage. Seven months into our relationship, I asked him if he saw a future with me. Instead of offering a reply, he just looked away. Needless to say, his refusal to give me a reply cut my heart like a knife.

Even then, I knew even then that I should have walked away, but again I loved him and truly hoped that he would eventually make a commitment to me. Incidentally, his words and actions lead me to believe that he wanted a long-term committed relationship for he and I looked at homes that “we”one day buy.

I later learned the hard way that our looking at homes to buy as a couple, was just a ploy to lead me to believe that he wanted a long-term committed relationship and to keep me engaged in what he already knew would be a dead-end relationship. Essentially, he sold me a fantasy,which I bought.

One thing that I have gleaned from dealing with men, especially men who are commitment phobic: believe what he does not what he says. Whatever is in a man’s heart will definitely come out through his words, and most definitely through his actions. It is not enough to just hope that a man will one day make a commitment to you. Waiting around and hoping for a man to make a commitment to you one day is just that: hope.

Furthermore, it allows for him to keep manipulating the relationship to keep you holding onto false hope, and ultimately locked into a dead-end relationship. When it becomes crystal clear to you that the man that you have been dating for some time has not even broached marriage, and is showing by his actions that he does not want to make a commitment to you: WALK AWAY!

Take it from me, the longer that you remain in such a relationship it will be harder to extricate yourself from the relationship. Like me you’ll cling to false hope and find excuses to remain in the relationship. Lastly, the longer you remain in such a relationship, you will lose valuable time that you could be spending with a man who truly wants to give you the commitment that you deserve.

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